Fear: Part 3 - Solutions | Feelingawareness

Fear: Part 3 - Solutions

Negative Thoughts

Thoughts are labels. They are not the real things they refer to. A sign that says “apple” is not an apple. The thought “I'm bad” doesn't mean I'm actually bad. The thought, “I'm going to fail this test,” is not proof that I'm going to fail. So, in comparison to real events, thoughts are not real. They are real neurologic patterns—but these patterns are not the real things they label.

Thoughts are more like images in a movie. Watching a movie safely at home, we still jump when a dangerous image appears. The bodybrain—which does not deal in time —treats all incoming images as if they are really happening now, whether they are images in a movie, thoughts in our minds, or even traumatic memories. Since many, many fears are based in painful and/or fearful childhood situations and events, those stored traumas convince the bodybrain “child” mind that the world is still dangerous. The child mind needs to be guided gradually out of that past nightmare into the (hopefully) safer adult world.

Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT) is a popular modality that attends to negative thoughts, their recognition and control. CBT theory states that negative thoughts— unrealistic and destructive ideas—are solely responsible for triggering fear. However, since feelings of fear originate in children long before rational thinking, I believe that negative thoughts are not the origin, but that thoughts and fear trigger each other in circular fashion. Regardless, understanding and avoiding negative thinking is an important part of a complete therapy process.

The practice of understanding and managing thoughts is ancient, and essential to Zen theory and practice. Although much of CBT is useful, Zazen and other forms of meditation have a longer, more successful history.

The general process is as follows:

1) recognizing thoughts
2) reality-checking thoughts
3) deciding if they are useful, useless, or negative
4) learning to avoid useless thought patterns
5) learning how to disrupt negative thought patterns
6) learning how to return attention to this moment in reality

This is simple—but not easy. When people begin this practice, most are surprised at just how busy their minds are. As with all things—from learning a language to learning guitar—it takes time and repetition.

Dealing With Fear in the Body

Since a negative thought will immediately trigger the bodybrain to release a hormonal reaction, we have to learn to catch the thoughts quickly before they spiral into catastrophizing. Each negative thought will trigger another injection of adrenalin, another negative thought, more adrenaline, and on and on towards panic —which is the bodybrain trying to save you.

It's difficult practice, but in time, we can learn to catch a negative thought pattern and stop it. Meanwhile, we need to accept that we will miss, and try again. We need to accept that when the bodybrain is triggered we are no longer dealing with thoughts, we are dealing with a frightened body. A frightened wolf. A frightened child.

1) accept that your body is in a fear reaction not a fearful situation

2) do your best to stop the negative thinking
3) find the best ways to calm your system and let it return to normal

By writing down ideas, talking to trusted friends, and/or strategizing with your therapist, find methods that calm your system when it's triggered. These will be things you might do to create a sense of safety in any frightened child.

A few possibilities:

• remove yourself, at least temporarily, from the triggering situation
• place your attention on something non-threatening in the environment

• tell yourself truthful things like, “I'm actually safe right now”
• tell yourself “it's going to be okay” if that's true
• breathe more slowly and deeply
• move your body—walk, stretch, shake, yawn, hum
• rinse your face with water or have a drink

More Doing Less Thinking

Negative thinking and fearful mental reactions play out in the “black box” of the spinning mind. A major antidote for mental rumination is immersion in the physical here and now: walking, hiking, gardening, fixing, building, art, music, crafts, yoga, Tai Chi, Qi Gong, dancing, singing, exercising, sports, humour, and any kind of playful activity you enjoy.

Negative thinking still needs to be interrupted, but fully engaging in doing is a big help. As you do things and ignore negative thinking, a sense of reliable safety is created, which helps the fear in the bodybrain to settle down.

Strengthening the physical also helps the mental. Good sleep is the foundation of everything. Do what you can to help yourself sleep long enough and sleep well. Drinking enough water and eating a balanced diet also allows the body to feel supported and less vulnerable. Having enough time for self care, as well as healthy affection, will also help the process. Everything is linked.

Safe, Stable Relationships and Environments

Avoiding stressful situations and cultivating safe, respecting relationships is a worthwhile, longterm strategy. It's not easy to change dysfunctional family, home, and work environments, but it's certainly worth working towards. This is a step-by- step approach that proves to our child that the here and now is far better than the traumatic past. It also proves that the adult is gaining control, which allows the child to trust and relax.

Children have magical views of the world and feel more secure when parents present real protection as well as symbolic protections such as closed doors and nightlights.

Although we know there are no monsters in the closet, these actions allow children to relax and sleep well. The child in us is no different, so some people get benefit from similar symbols of safety such as bedroom locks, nightlights, big protective pillows, heavy blankets, etc. Practical measures that increase order and consistency such as calendars, lists, schedules, reminders and preparation can also be helpful in eliminating unpredictable stimulus and reactivity. The more habitual and steady your life is, the more the bodybrain will settle down.

Resolving The Causes

There is more to these issues—fear, negative thoughts, and excess reactivity—than just the survival mechanism of the bodybrain. The ANS of a healthy, balanced person is not terrified of elevators. That out-of-proportion, unrealistic reactivity is the result of childhood trauma and conditioning.

Childhood traumas of abuse and neglect are real incidents and conditions of horrible danger, pain, suffering, and fear. So when these things are happening, the child bodybrain correctly assesses that its world is dangerous. These real childhood conditions program the bodybrain level to high alert, ready to react at the drop of a pin. That super-sensitive setting suspects fear in anything and everything, from mice and insects, elevators and door knobs, water and thunderstorms—and especially people—the creatures who did the most damage.

In addition to that, since the ANS is the only organ of the brain that is fully functioning in infancy and early childhood, the bodybrain records and stores all traumas from that time.

That means most of the hurt, loneliness, pain, and fear from your childhood is held in the part of your brain that:

• knows no time—so the pain appears to be now and feels forever
• knows no words—can't understand it or be touched by explanations
• only protects and reacts—is incapable of half measures
• responds immediately—is incapable of patience
• deals in life and death—will not take chances
• decides what is dangerous—will not drop it's guard without extensive proof

Even when a child with trauma becomes an adult, the bodybrain will continue to interpret the world as dangerous, and it will even interpret new people and events through the same lens. If your abusive grandmother had a square jaw you will likely, throughout your life, have an unconscious dislike of women with square jaws. The bodybrain takes no chances: “I will never let that type of person near me again.”

The bodybrain doesn't care that it restricts you—because its genetic purpose is to keep you safe and alive at all costs. Its defensive shields saved you then and deserve to be respected.

This all means that all of your excesses, all of your unrealistic fears, all of your negative thinking—all of it was created as a defense and reaction to trauma—but all of it is now dysfunctional in your adult life. Not only must we recognize and interrupt negative thoughts and behaviours, respect the bodybrain, and calm it with

trusted behaviour, we have a great opportunity to engage this precious part of ourselves and actually free it from the traumas it holds.

Imagine a life where the bodybrain is no longer driven by those traumas and negative conclusions. Imagine a life where that inner child is relaxed and happy. Imagine a life where your inner wolf can run wild and free. To move toward that life, our therapy process must be more than managing the powerful bodybrain and its reactions. It needs to follow the threads of those negative thoughts and feelings back toward the brain imprints of the original traumas. And just as “all roads lead to Rome,” every one of your difficult feelings leads to those painful memories, curled up like dragons protecting a hoard of gold.

The process is simple—but not easy. Follow every bad feeling, every fear. Ask questions. Talk about how it feels. Notice what those feelings remind you of. Consider when you felt like that in your childhood. If you feel triggered, what needs to be expressed? If you cry, what goes through your mind? This process may be painful but it is rich with experience and truth.

And here's the key. The bodybrain will not change without repeated realtime proof. So if you track a present-day fear back to an original trauma, be with it, express the child feelings, and then “wake up” as an adult in the here-and-now, the bodybrain will have some of the evidence it needs—that the danger is old and past—and does not exist now. The more the bodybrain experiences this truth, the more it will readjust its alarm settings to realistic present issues and not traumatic past ones.

Feeling Expression

Many modern therapy modalities avoid any kind of feeling expression, falsely stating that clients will be “retraumatized.” As children we were shut down and forced not to cry, which cemented the trauma. For therapists to force the same destructive behaviour now makes no sense. When children are upset, their bodybrain has a natural and healthy urge to cry, which both relieves the system and is an expression of truth—“this hurts!” The same is true for us as adults.

We all know that grieving the death of a loved one is natural. We also know that if we don't cry, the suffering and pain linger on and on. In fact, much of therapy is a grieving process. We were hurt, we held the pain in, and now it's time to let it out— to grieve.

Behavioural therapy would also have us gradually approach the fear—an elevator, for instance—to become desensitized to it. Although useful, this does not resolve the fear, it teaches us to dissociate and build a mental shield around the fear. A more integrative approach is to approach the elevator and not only learn to withstand it, but to face the fear—and express it from our systems—bit by manageable bit.

It's not easy to express feelings when we've been taught to suppress them. Expressing emotions may feel as dangerous as opening Pandora's Box. Depending on our history and present situation, it can be quite destabilizing to express too much too quickly. When it comes to processing fear, however, those feelings of fear and panicky body sensations do want to come out. If you sense that it would be beneficial to do so, it is essential to have a therapist who has personally done this work—not just studied it—and has deep experience in guiding people through it.

If chosen, this type of work requires a gentle, slow, "toe in the water" approach—like the bodybrain prefers. With each fearful emotion—even just a taste—we need to pause, feel, and express ourselves in natural, manageable amounts. The bodybrain needs to to discover that the worst—“I'll die”—doesn't happen. After a while, it starts to sense reality in a more balanced way.

Integrating

During the process it's helpful to integrate these experiences, changes, and discoveries by talking things through with your therapist so that a new and more stable view of the world develops. Although ruminating—thinking too much—can be a problem, some journalling can help to clarify and organize insights and perspectives.

Fear, in all its forms, is a powerful force. With the proper multimodal approach, excess fear can be recognized, understood, managed, and transformed.