Homework: Expression

We all come to therapy and self development for different reasons. Some of us have practical problems to solve with feedback and guidance toward better solutions. Others come with emotional pain and patterns of dysfunction that need to be understood, unravelled and repaired.

One thing that is consistent across this wide spectrum of problems is feeling. Every problem—no matter how small—is accompanied by a feeling. Sometimes the feeling may be “flat” and sometimes it may be so painful we want to scream.

Every problem is a disruption in the harmonious workings of our 40 trillion cell bodymind, and when there is sand in the gears you can feel the grinding. The uncomfortable feeling is the alarm that makes us stop what we are doing, adjust, and get back into harmony.

As children, most of us were told not to cry and even deny our feelings: “Don't be silly—this isn't scary.” But if we did suffer abuse/neglect and that pain was held in (trauma), those feelings became attached to the dysfunctional patterns we developed. So as adults, part of the solution to our problems is to give those feelings the hearing they never had. That expression can lead us to deeper understanding and better solutions, and also be healing on its own.

Express means to "press out" ("ex" is Latin for "out"). Expression is anything that lets something out: sharing, crying, laughing, singing, playing, drumming, dancing, drawing, painting, writing, hitting a punching bag, etc.

The bodymind keeps a boundary to maintain health and integrity. That boundary is like a door that can open wide or close tight. Every time it opens, it is aware that something dangerous could get in. We don't open the door without knowing it's safe. Likewise, we will not open our mouths and share something personal unless we know it's safe—that the person we're talking to will not judge, criticize, or tell everyone they know.

So if you decide to express as a part of your self-development homework, be mindful that your environment is a safe one.

It's also important to realize that if we have some childhood trauma, even a small expression (slightly opening the door) may allow a “Pandora's Box” of repressed feelings to push the door wide open. For those of us with stronger emotional problems and trauma histories, it's wise to go easy and have an experienced therapist/guide available as backup.

Sometimes our histories have caused the “door” of expression to be very narrow. This doesn't just limit painful feelings and experiences, it also then limits joyful feelings and experiences. So if we can trust that door to open a little wider for uncomfortable feelings, it will also be a bit more open for the appreciation and enjoyment of life.

The homework of expression is about exercising that door so that it can open—and close—when we need to explore problems, and enjoy life as well.

Here are a few examples of expression homework:

• Journal—read the article Homework: Journaling.

• Share. If you have a friend or partner you trust will not judge or give unwanted

advice, consider sharing a little more than you usually do.

• Cry. Let yourself cry when a movie, song, experience, or memory moves you.

• Laugh. Let yourself laugh more freely when the urge comes. Watch a funny movie, tell jokes, and look at the funny side of life, including yourself!

• Play. When the opportunity comes up, let yourself be a bit more playful, childlike, and free. Children are great catalysts for play, and remember, even older dogs and cats like to have fun.

• Make noise. There are lots of socially acceptable opportunities for noisemaking, from concerts to sporting events. It adds to the fun, and it's healthy, too.

• Sing, dance, drum, strum, paint . . . any type of art is expression, though sometimes we choke our freedom by fearing negative judgment or striving for imaginary perfection. Try to find ways and situations where you can be more carefree with your expression.

There are as many ways to be expressive as there are moments in the day. Keep in mind, however, that as you open the expressive door of your system, you may experience resistance and/or difficult feelings. Go easy, back off if you need to, and always have an experienced professional for guidance.