Parts Work and Inner Conflict: Part 2

Parts Work and Inner Conflict: Part 2 - The Work

Working with Parts/Subpersonalities

It's important to have some awareness of subpersonalities before working with them therapeutically. Analysis and discussion, as mentioned above, bring awareness as well as personal empowerment in the process. Greater awareness will also help remove confusion and hesitation around the very idea of having subpersonalities or letting them “speak to each other,” which many people would judge as unstable behaviour.

The fact is, we talk to ourselves all the time, anyway. This can be both a normal mental organization technique or a sign of subpersonality interaction. To work with inner conflict, we need to direct this interaction in a way that is therapeutically safe. The most effective method I use is based on the "Empty Chair" technique of Fritz Perls, the creator of Gestalt Therapy.

Originally, Perls would sit in one chair and have two other empty chairs beside him. If you were his client he would ask you to sit in one chair and settle into the character of one of your parts. Then he would ask you to imagine—and freely speak to—another conflicting part in the other chair.

As the interaction develops, Perls would instruct you to switch chairs in order to speak from each part. Perls would have you go back and forth until some kind of insight or resolution occurred.

Perls believed that there was always an essential duality at work—the "Topdog" and "Underdog"—so he only used two chairs. Now that we know there can be many more subpersonalities, parts work has evolved. I have developed a method that uses floor mats and big cushions. If my clients have identified two parts we use two cushions— one for each part. If there are more parts we simply use more.

Here is a fictional example of the two-parts process:

Brian has many things to accomplish in his busy life, but when he tries to organize and take action, he gets distracted. He will take a little break, end up playing guitar, eating snacks, or spending hours online. Afterwards, he resolves to do better but the same thing happens and he feels disgusted and discouraged. Chores are not done, friends and family are ignored, and bills pile up. He berates himself and sees himself as a worthless, undisciplined slob. He has identified these two conflicted parts and calls them "Big B" and "Floater."

Brian comes into session frustrated with the same pattern. Since things aren't changing, I suggest parts work, and he agrees to try. I set up two pillows on the mat and invite him to sit on one.

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S: Okay, Brian. Take a few deep breaths and focus on your feelings.

You're in the position of Big B. Imagine that Floater is sitting on the other pillow. As you sit there I want you to settle into the Big B state of mind, with Big B's thinking and attitude. Give yourself the permission to speak from the feelings of Big B without censoring yourself at all. Be as strong in your words as the feelings are.

B: (Pauses, then gets animated) Big B: I am so sick of you! You are such a pathetic slob! I have tried so hard to make good things happen, and whenever I do, you ruin it. I'm exhausted. I feel like giving up. (Pauses, seems to lose energy. I sense a shift, the possible rising of the other subpersonality).

S: If it feels right, switch.

B: (Moves to the other pillow, turns and faces the first pillow. He sits with a slouch and looks sad.) Floater: You are always yelling at me. I'm so tired of being yelled at. Nothing I do is ever good enough for you. It's always "Do this, do that. Go here, go there." I just want to disappear. (Gets agitated. Looks at me.)

S: (I sense the rising of Big B) If it's right, switch back.

B: (Moves to the first pillow, turns and faces Floater) Big B: What the hell! What do you want?! If I am not on your case, nothing happens and our life goes to shit. You don't want to do anything? What the hell do you want to do then? (He pauses and feels the shift himself and moves to the other pillow).

B: Floater: I don't know! Nothing! Anything but this! (Tears come to his eyes. He really starts to sob.) I can never enjoy myself without worrying about something I have to do. I never get to play the guitar without feeling nervous inside. Maybe if you had let me, I would have been a decent guitar player. (Brian rolls over on his side and cries. I sit quietly and just "be there" with him. I sense that he is in a very deep feeling connected to his childhood. After five minutes, he gets more quiet, blows his nose, and sits up.) Why have you always nagged me like this? (He pauses, senses the change and moves to the other pillow).

B: Big B: (More sensitive, quieter) If I didn't bug you back at home, Dad would have really lost his temper. Without me pushing to get homework done, we would have got the belt. (pauses)

S: Switch.

B: Floater: Yeah, yeah. But I could have been a professional guitarist if I'd really focused on my playing instead of studying all that crap. No matter what Dad wanted or how much I tried, it wouldn't be good enough—math isn't my thing. I dropped out anyway. (pauses) But Dad's not here anymore. So why keep nagging me? (switches over)

B: Big B: Bills won't get paid if I don't nag you. Nothing gets done around here. (Switches)

B: Floater: Yeah, I guess. But you give me no peace and I just have to escape somehow.

S: (I sense a potential opening in the conflict) Okay, Floater, is there a small request you can make of Big B?

B: Floater: (Pauses, thinks) Maybe. (Turns to Big B) This Saturday, there's a jam with the guys. I want to go, but I don't want to feel guilty the whole time or hear you in my head. If I could get that break maybe I'd feel different about things.

S: Big B, what do you think? (I motion for Brian to switch)

B: Big B: I don't know. I worry that you'll just check out for longer, but what the hell. I will leave you alone at the jam if you're willing to spend an equal amount of time next afternoon taking care of the bills. (Switches)

B: Floater: (Thinks) Okay. Four hours. If you can let me have a good time on Saturday I promise I'll dig into the bills Sunday afternoon. (Switches)

B: Big B: Okay, I'll do my part if you'll do yours. (Switches)

B: Floater: That sounds good to me. (pauses, looks at me)

S: Okay, guys. I hear that you are getting to understand each other a little better. Big B will let Floater enjoy the jam Saturday night without interfering, and Floater will spend four hours Sunday afternoon doing bills. Great. Let's check in on things next week. (I grab a third pillow and place it on another spot in front of the first two, and ask Brian to sit there.) Brian, have a seat here.

S: Brian, you are now your adult self, the one who books the sessions, the one who brings the problems to session, the one who witnesses and is affected by what these parts are doing. From this perspective, what did you see happen?

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Rather than a long, word-for-word recap of what Brian might say, the following is a summary.

Brian says that as the process evolved, he recognized that Big B spoke very much like his father. When he sat in Floater's place, he felt very small, sad and scared. He remembered how terrified he was of his father's anger, and deeply sad that his father never appreciated his interest in music.

When he blurted out, “If I didn't bug you back at home, Dad would have really lost his temper,” he was truly surprised. He had never thought of it this way. It was a major insight that Big B came into existence to protect young Brian from his father's anger by nagging the Floater to get things done.

Brian says that it had not occurred to him that he'd never been able to relax and be a playful kid. He sees how present-day, “floating” is an attempt to be the carefree child he never was. He leaves session with a deeper emotional understanding and compassion for himself.

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I have facilitated many, many session like this. These types of sessions are usually just the beginning of understanding and untangling the parts, relating their past origins to present-day issues, and moving towards more permanent solutions.

One of the simple yet profound aspects of this technique is that each voice is given a separate physical location. Our parts regularly argue, but they do so inside our minds, which feels very enmeshed and tangled. When we physically move to different locations, it clarifies our recognition of the parts, their differences (even in body language), and their original purpose.

To Review:

• Let each subpersonality speak without interference from the others. If others need time, use different pillows or chairs for these parts.

• It is quite natural for clients to understand the “voices” of each part and begin to direct the whole process themselves. When this happens, it's essential for the therapist to suggest shifting if the client doesn't recognize it.

• By expressing without interference, subpersonalities will reveal the original traumatic reasons for their existence.

• If a part reveals painful feelings it is okay to let the client cry or express from that part until that need is complete, which can take time.

• When parts begin to understand each other there is a real opportunity to negotiate solutions just like any normal conflict resolution.

The Adult Position

In the session with Brian, I asked him to sit on another pillow that was front-and- centre of the other two. This was my attempt to bring the “adult” part into his awareness.

Technically, the “adult” is not a part—it is the fully functioning biologic human adult that lives in and interacts with reality. Our biologic intention is to be fully integrated within ourselves and the world as-it-is. When stresses cause the system to create personality divisions, there is always some aspect that deals with reality—eats, works, relates, pays bills, etc. Unfortunately, those who suffer with schizophrenia or psychotic episodes have periods of total fantasy where this “adult” is not present.

Everyone who has developed subpersonalities has an adult aspect—as well as various parts. In some, the adult is dominant enough to manage the challenges of life effectively. In others, the subpersonalities are more powerful than the adult. I often say that the adult is the one who drives the car and the other parts are kids of various ages who are piled into the back. When the adult is undefined, confused, and weak, not only do the kids fight, but some of them try to grab the wheel and take over! Many of us know exactly how that feels.

In many ways, parts work is about:

1) recognizing the parts
2) letting the parts express themselves
3) guiding the parts to interact
4) guiding the parts to understand each other

5) empowering the adult

6) assisting the parts to make agreements

7) teamwork and eventual unity

Even in difficult inner conflicts there is a part that is witnessing—the adult. I asked Brian to sit on the third pillow to keep him from mistakenly assuming that either Big B or Floater were the essential Brian. Without recognizing our adult, we may wrongfully assume that the most dominant part (in this case, Big B) is the real self and should eventually win out.

The Importance of Safe Ex-pression

When we work with divisive phenomena such as subpersonalities, it is necessary to be cautious. Certain approaches and techniques can make things worse.

The causes of emotional dysfunction are events, conditioning, and a lack of necessary expression. To be healthy, children must express their needs and feelings and these feelings usually need to be expressed toward, and accepted by, the parents. If this expression is neglected, repressed, or attacked, the energy is either misdirected toward other sources (younger siblings, animals, objects) or it is misdirected against the self. The former is called "acting out," which causes interpersonal conflict, and the latter is "acting in," which causes inner conflict.

To heal, the blocked energy needs to be directed to its origins—toward our parents and caretakers. Unfortunately, this is often not possible due to their age, death, or a their continued inability to accept feeling expression. Fortunately, this type of limitation does not hinder the healing process. In a safe, therapeutic environment we can still express ourselves to our original caretakers as an exercise, as if they were there. With a supportive witness/therapist, this can allow for the clearing of stagnant, blocked emotions.

This type of therapeutic expression is an act of taking responsibility. Instead of attacking others or "the world" (which is ineffective) we admit that we carry the problem—even if we didn't cause it—and expelling it is the solution. Just as we would a virus that we “caught” from someone else.

This approach makes sense for those who act out and blame others. Those who act in, however, usually suffer from too much self-blame. They think they are at fault for more than their share. Attacking the self, the major theme in inner conflict, is what these people need to be healed from. For people who act in, the goal is to direct expression away from the innocent self toward the original perpetrators—via therapeutic exercises, not actual confrontation.

Parts work often involves strong expression between the conflicted parts. Often a great deal of emotion—grief, sadness, fear, and anger—is tossed back and forth. There are times, however, when inner hatred is so strong that subpersonalities feel like they want to destroy one another.

One part may want to attack another part by screaming and hitting a punching bag. Although this may seem like an genuine expression, the honest truth is that the client is actually angry at whoever abused/neglected them and caused the split. They may not know it consciously, but they are not fundamentally angry with themselves.

Healing is about unity, connection, communication, understanding, and compassion. Vicious self-attack will not promote any of these things. Letting one subpersonality batter another is just as bad as letting one spouse batter another.

Vicious self-attack can cause more trauma, further personality disintegration, and even episodes of classic split personality. In these cases, violent subpersonalities can come to the fore while battered subpersonalities may slide further from conscious awareness.

The key to this work, for clients and therapists to realize, is that repressed emotions, by definition, must come out. That is what the word "ex-pression" means. To heal, anger must be directed outward—in session—and not at the self. Although frustration and anger needs some expression within the conflicted self, the power of this self- attacking expression needs to stay within certain safe levels. Whenever possible, inner-directed expression needs to move toward resolution between the parts.

All genuine healing processes follow the essence of the Hippocratic Oath—Do no harm. If we keep that in mind as we work on inner conflicts, we will allow the healing process to succeed.

Integration

Since healing means to make whole or complete, the intention of working with subpersonalities is to support the natural movement toward integration. In the Merriam-Webster Dictionary, integrate means "to form, coordinate, or blend into a functioning or unified whole: to unite."

The intention of our organism is to remain whole, to be one. If we become split or dis-integrated, the pain of that split motivates us to mend.

In my experience, those who explore their subpersonalities in a feeling way gradually begin to change. Life goes from being complex, puzzling, conflicted, and extreme to being more simple, evident, harmonious, and balanced. They feel more steady, assured, cohesive, and reliable. They may have a vibrant emotional range, but they express themselves in ways that are appropriate to the given situation.

There is, however, an aspect of subpersonalities that often persists even after integration occurs. The act of behaving in certain ways can develop aspects of ourselves—skills and talents—that remain. If we learned piano to be "The Star," we are still left with that skill. Many of us who have a caretaker part may have developed sensitivities that can be useful—once the neediness that drove the subpersonality is resolved. With integration, a set of extreme, battling subpersonalities are transformed into an interconnected tapestry of character and abilities.

The most significant effect of personality integration is full engagement with the present. If subpersonalities aren't obscuring reality with illusions of past feelings, we are able to fully attend to the present-day sensations and perceptions of our bodies and the world-at-large. We can fully feel and be.

This is enormously significant. Integrated, we engage life, moment to moment, as it is. This is a relatively doubt-free existence, because whatever is happening is simply happening. There are no shoulds or shouldn'ts—only what is. Things occur, painful or pleasurable, and we respond in a unified, unconflicted way.

That's it.